Living in Pure Bliss!

Vacation in Oregon-Crater Lake


A bend in the road is not the end of the road unless you fail to make the turn....
~unknown


I believe this has been the longest gap on my blog from posting. I have been crazy busy, and just overwhelmed with life stuff. It took me quite some time to recover from AC100, and before I knew it Summer was over! In August Jesse raced Where's Waldo 100k. He had a great race even considering he had not ran in the six weeks leading up to the race due to a hamstring injury. He was thrilled to come in third overall, and nab a spot into Western States! So excited for him!! I had an incredible time crewing him all day, and I even got to hang out with my friend Glen Tachiyama(love you Glen). We incorporated a super long vacation in Oregon into the trip, and had the time of our lives! We visited friends Petit and David in Bend, Ashley and Josh Nordell in Sisters, and hiked and biked a bunch! It really was one of the best trips I have ever taken in my life! If I go on vacation I need to be at a place that has miles of endless trails to hike and run on, tons of great biking routes, and just an area that caters to outdoor playing. Bend Oregon is heaven for this kind of stuff. We even spent one day rafting down the river, and I absolutely fell in love with Bend! Sorry but I would choose this over Hawaii or Mexico a million times over for a vacation destination...but thats just me. Its such an awesome laid back place, and there were tons of amazing vegan and healthy restaurants, and kick ass brewery's and pubs. The best part? The entire area of Bend is surrounded by miles and miles of endless single track trails! We had a blast, and cannot wait to go back next Summer! After our vacation I raced a 50k in September in Big Bear for fun(got 2nd female and 8th overall), and then this last weekend was my very successful event "Leona Valley Trail Races".  Man life is just so fun! 

Life is so Interesting. I love to motivate on this blog.  I would like to share with all of you just how much life can change in a few years. Two years ago today exactly(just looked back in my notebook) I was lying on the cold tile on my bathroom floor, sobbing, blowing my nose into a t-shirt. I was in the last stages of trying to salvage a marriage that was not working for a million reasons, and scared to death of how I would be able to support both myself and teenage son on my own. 

It was not a good month, in a less-than-stellar year.

I was facing the unknown.

It was a year filled with difficult circumstances to say the very least.

I blamed myself for not being more successful and I was so afraid to step out of my financially comfortable life into the unknown.

On top of that I’d been chasing a friendship with a man who left me hanging when I needed him most, and he himself turned out to be dishonest, and crushed my heart(I still thank him all the time in my prayers for doing me such a huge favor..because of him I was able to find my Jesse). I felt like a failure on every possible level. How could I possibly be so stupid I said to myself in the weeks following his horrible actions. 

So I found myself on my bathroom floor, sobbing like a baby, disappointed in myself and terrified about what to do next. 

Flash-forward two years and I’m doing incredibly well as a self employed Race Director. I own all of my events outright, and am seeing success I never could have imagined possible. I LOVE my job, and it's only just the beginning for me. The best part? I also have finally truly found real love. Not simply "I am gonna stay in this relationship because I have to" kind of love. Nope. The kind where you have butterflies still every day even after two years. The partner that shares your whole life, hobbies, and in it's truest form is your soul mate. Your best friend, and the most passionate love you ever could have imagined. I love that I never have to apologize for being gone for hours on end due to training. He understands, but more importantly he usually is training with me. You should never have to apologize to your partner for doing what you love to do. We share an incredible life together, and I know how bad it sucks to be on the other side of this. I am so blessed, and so lucky! It took me 34 years to find him, and I am head over heels bat shit wild over this man!!! The last two years have not been easy, but these are some of the lessons I picked up along the way:

It’s okay to not know.

This was the hardest lesson for me because I’ve always been goal-driven. Sometimes you just have to leap off that cliff, and not know whats gonna happen next. 

After about a month of daily tears and anxiety I relaxed into the idea that everything was going to be okay even if I didn’t know where I was going. I kept writing and read all the inspirational books I could get my hands on.

Clean up your messes before you move on.

For me, this meant drawing the line with friends and an ex who were destroying me. In the case of my ex, it was difficult because we had a 9-year habit of codependency. I gave myself time and space to work through why I kept feeding the situation. I could make it without him, and I couldn't let him scare me into thinking I could not anymore. No more living in financial fear. I simply drew the line in the sand. 

I read books on personal development and talked to people who had worked through similar issues. I realized I’d been hiding behind “making other people happy” instead of having the courage to focus on my own happiness.

I finally ended the constant need to please behavior in myself, and you’d be amazed how much time this created in my daily life. Trying to make other people happy takes up more mental energy than you may realize.

Take the time to figure out your personal blockages and work on them. It’ll free up a lot of time and energy.

Follow your own instincts.

Well-meaning friends and family love you. They want to see you happy and safe. But sometimes they’ll give you advice you know is wrong for you. It may even sound perfectly logical, but you know it’s not going to further your personal goals.

By all means, find mentors and get professional advice when pursuing your dreams. But as long as you’re taking care of yourself and working toward your goals, don’t put too much weight on well-intentioned advice from family and friends. I recognize now I did this to much during those trying months, and although they meant well they just didn't understand what I was going through. 

Thank people for caring enough to make suggestions, but learn to own your decisions.

Remember the big picture.

Even if it seems like you’ve taken a step backward, it’s only negative if you stop learning and trying. A calculated retreat gives you time to find out what didn’t work and how to fix it.

After my meltdown in the bathroom two years ago, it took about two months of introspection and working on interpersonal issues to have the confidence to believe in my dream again. It took another solid six months of 10-13 hour work days, and an incredible drive to just not stop at anything to build everything I have today. I simply told myself everyday that nothing was gonna stop me, and nothing could hold me back. 

From the outside it may have looked like things were peachy keen, but everyday was like climbing Mt.Everest. My son went through allot, and no matter which way I turned I hit huge walls. I really had no one that was truly there for me that first year. My closest friends were not strong enough to be there for me, and you realize when times are really tuff it's just up to you to forge through it all. I simply dug my heels in, and refused to give up. Every friggin day. Nothing could have stopped me. Nothing can stop me today. Period. I am a survivor, and a fighter, and no one will ever stop me. Ever. 

The end result was worth it. I’m still learning about my business and craft, but two years has been great time to lay the groundwork. I refuse to give up, give in, and not accomplish all I have set out to do. I love being a Race Director of the most awesome Trail races ever. I love giving people an opportunity to run there first trail race without any worries but just having fun, and enjoying the day. I take extreme pride in what I do, and plan on doing it for the rest of my life. I plan on marrying my best friend on the planet Jesse Haynes, and I also plan on watching my son accomplish all of his dreams in his life. I plan on living life to the fullest no matter what obstacles cross my path, and I plan on sharing those experiences with all of you through this blog. Happy Trail my friends...and on, on, on with life!!! 

Thank you to the blog and website "Tiny Buddha" for my inspiration on writing this.